And There Goes Another....

2011 saw the break-up of high profile hollywood marriages which were a boon for the trashy tabloid magazine industry and set entertainment blogs on fire with comments, snarkiness and speculation over why the divorces happen. From Demi-Ashton to Katy Perry-Russell Brand, we have been inundated with divorce news, sordid stories and he-said/she-saids.

I'm sure many of us plebians have wondered (when we have nothing better to think about) that "why do celebrities have a big circus show of a wedding, only to get very publicly divorced in 5 years or less?" It goes against my twisted, cynical heart, to even entertain the possibility that they married for....love...so I'm going to go ahead and trash these celebrities and create a TOP 5 REASONS WHY CELEBRITIES DIVORCE????

5.) Its about money honey. I mean you were married to someone way richer than you, do you think that the poorer partner would remain content with just getting expensive cars, watches & holidays for presents? Hell, they want to not only have their own money, taken from their richer spouse as a divorce settlement, but find a new piece who will STILL treat them to all the expensive gifts & vacations they are used to.

4.) Apparently media scrutiny and attention can ruin a couple's privacy and ultimately their marriage. I blow a side eye to this excuse and say "whatever"..this is just said when celebrities cannot say that they simply got bored, as its not good for publicity. Really with the money and cachet these guys have, they can afford to live in privacy

3.) Boredom with marriage and screwing the same person for the rest of their days fills these frivolous entertainment-types with dread. I mean when they have the option of having so many well-done and juicy steaks, so why stick with a BigMac? Thus, a lot of showbiz marriages end in divorce, after a massive cheating scandal exposed, and free publicity galore!

2.) Any publicity is good publicity. Especially in these days when today's hot young star can become stale, fading & gone by tomorrow. So a divorce drama playing out in all manners of media for months on end, can definitely lead to one party winning public sympathy and thus dupe the public into spending their money on them. Or at the very least, at least people now know who they are and are talking about them & feeding the public's need for scandal & gossip...case in point, a straggly haired, British "comedian" Russell Brand.

1.) Irreconcilable Differences...whatever the hell does this mean? It just tells me that these people threw in the towel too quick. 

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment- Jane Austen

But most unfortunately for our Ms. Kim Kardashian, her "love" never made the jump to matrimony; instead it made the huge leap from love to the other big "M" word...here are 2 clues as to what they can be:

1.) Rhymes with Honey and funny
2.) George Washington features very prominently on it.

I won't go into a whole diatribe upon the greedy, rhinoceros hided, paintgun face painted, evil Medusa-like monsters that are the Kardashian women! Nor will I go into how journalism has come into an all-time low by reporting on this so-called divorce ad nauseum, to the detriment of other personal victories and large-scale disasters that are happening all over the world; nor will I go into the whole "Boycott Kardashian" movement, because I trust that my readers have a lot more sense than to consume any sort of feces that are excreted by the Kardashians...

I will only say this much to those who are still adamantly opposed to a man making the jump from admiration to love to matrimony for the sake of another man...or a woman doing the same for another woman. That it is not same sex couples who will be spitting upon the sanctity of marriage; so-called straight people like, Kim Kardashian, have made a fine joke of marriage all by themselves, thank you very much! I'd say we continue making a farce of marriage, because we are greedily consuming the Kardashian divorce drama news (myself included, as I sit her idly during my reading week and find myself impossibly bored and rendered useless) & reading these divorce reports for sheer train-wreck style entertainment (or some may actually be shocked that this divorce actually happened).

I say let us bring equality to all the sexes and sexual orientations by giving same-sex couples the right to marry and not sniff up our noses at it, because it offends our delicate religious sensibilities. As a society, let us go further and give a celebrity gay couple the equal chance to have a 4hr wedding special on E! Channel; have a $10 million circus show of a wedding; make a gulp inducing $18 million in endorsements and free wedding products; and get divorced after 72 days of wedded bliss....just like the very straight Kim Kardashian did.

Somehow, we are very skewed in our sensibilities if we find ourselves disgusted or "wierded out" by 2 men or 2 women wanting to marry each other, but finding it to be a big laugh and a joke at this train wreck Kardashian wedding!