Boston Pizza: Can't Even Make Good Pizzas, Let Alone Anything Else

The title should make the point of this post obvious: Boston Pizza SUCKS! I don't even understand how they are as popular as they are; how their garish, red, blinking lights and their big box concept has been replicated like a virus in every city and 'dot on the map' town in Canada; and how in the world is this place always packed, no matter what time in the week you go. 

The restaurant industry, just like all other industries, is extremely competitive. New restaurants, with a variety of pioneering or tried and true concepts, come and go everyday. It is a rare thing to see your local restaurant lasting more than 5 years even with quality food and service, and if they do, then that is truly a laudable achievement. Yet Boston Pizza, with its bland and crappy food; prices that are not worth the garbage they feed; harried and forgettable service provided by staff who have the same high-pitched "Hey how you guys doin", but look like they hate their jobs; and the same, tired old, design concept, somehow endures. 

I have always disliked Boston Pizza and its same old, vanilla like blandness. I wonder whether those who actually like Boston Pizza, prefers all their things vanilla flavored. Going to Boston Pizza for a date with your girlfriend/boyfriend, is showing the significant other the promise that the night will end with you both in your trusty old bed from 10 years ago, moving like a well-oiled wheel, in the well-practiced/cant-go-wrong, missionary sex position! Bland and boring, for short. 


I would only end up in Boston Pizza if I had NO OTHER option of bodily sustenance (I'm not talking of food, which is not served in Boston Pizza by the way) and I was a few moral inhibitions away from cannibalizing a fellow human! Which is what happened to me while I was up in snowy and icy North Bay, ON, tired and muscles aching from controlling a dog sled charging through the snowy forests with six strong & speedy Huskies! Then try dragging a stubborn and unwilling Husky back to its kennel, your hands straining at the dog's harness; fingers slipping on it until only an index finger is precariously clinging onto the Husky's harness, straining and almost feeling like that poor finger of mine will break, and still the heavy and strong Husky is unwilling to move. And then add a dash of going uphill, your feet sinking soundlessly into un-trodden snow, and a blizzard coming in, your toes feeling frost-bitten despite wearing proper winter boots...

YEP, that was my weekend and NO WONDER I ended up at Boston Pizza, famished & willing to admit in defeat that my bland Jambalaya Fettucine did not taste that bad, after I added a motherload of pepper to it! And now that I am warm at home, about to jump into my warm bed, and do not have to struggle against the elements or drag a wet, dead-weight but ferocious Husky up a hill...I have time to remember back to my meal and say...THAT MEAL SUCKED & BOSTON PIZZA STINKS! Also, a memo to their cooks: Please go back to middle school family studies class, to learn the basics of cooking!

And There Goes Another....

2011 saw the break-up of high profile hollywood marriages which were a boon for the trashy tabloid magazine industry and set entertainment blogs on fire with comments, snarkiness and speculation over why the divorces happen. From Demi-Ashton to Katy Perry-Russell Brand, we have been inundated with divorce news, sordid stories and he-said/she-saids.

I'm sure many of us plebians have wondered (when we have nothing better to think about) that "why do celebrities have a big circus show of a wedding, only to get very publicly divorced in 5 years or less?" It goes against my twisted, cynical heart, to even entertain the possibility that they married for....love...so I'm going to go ahead and trash these celebrities and create a TOP 5 REASONS WHY CELEBRITIES DIVORCE????

5.) Its about money honey. I mean you were married to someone way richer than you, do you think that the poorer partner would remain content with just getting expensive cars, watches & holidays for presents? Hell, they want to not only have their own money, taken from their richer spouse as a divorce settlement, but find a new piece who will STILL treat them to all the expensive gifts & vacations they are used to.

4.) Apparently media scrutiny and attention can ruin a couple's privacy and ultimately their marriage. I blow a side eye to this excuse and say "whatever"..this is just said when celebrities cannot say that they simply got bored, as its not good for publicity. Really with the money and cachet these guys have, they can afford to live in privacy

3.) Boredom with marriage and screwing the same person for the rest of their days fills these frivolous entertainment-types with dread. I mean when they have the option of having so many well-done and juicy steaks, so why stick with a BigMac? Thus, a lot of showbiz marriages end in divorce, after a massive cheating scandal exposed, and free publicity galore!

2.) Any publicity is good publicity. Especially in these days when today's hot young star can become stale, fading & gone by tomorrow. So a divorce drama playing out in all manners of media for months on end, can definitely lead to one party winning public sympathy and thus dupe the public into spending their money on them. Or at the very least, at least people now know who they are and are talking about them & feeding the public's need for scandal & gossip...case in point, a straggly haired, British "comedian" Russell Brand.

1.) Irreconcilable Differences...whatever the hell does this mean? It just tells me that these people threw in the towel too quick.